I turned 28 today and I realised something, something very important. So, at this important juncture in my life, I decided to share my experiences with you, experiences that will help you grow. Butt, there is one problem, well, there are two. Let me get to the bottom of this, the very beginning when it all started. Are you getting a hint or two? No? Well, don’t you worry. Take a seat and read my kickass journey of growing up.
28 years ago, on this very day, two cute little bums were born – pink, smooth and heart shaped. They were happy beings, swinging happily, in rhythm. They were oiled and powdered so that they could grow to be the beautiful two. And they did grow, as large as they could. Oh wait..you know what I am talking about now, right? Yes, the bum!
I am a tiny person, butt, my bums, no ma’am, they are anything but tiny. When I walk, they reach 5 minutes after my, err, face reaches a particular spot. No, I am not exaggerating. Come on, do you think I do that? I certainly do.
Well, by now, you must be thinking why I am bent upon writing a post that would attract only the “xxx” kind. I have my reasons. You see, I always think of our great mankind! Butt, there are a lot of positives of having a big bum. There are many. I speak from experience. Let me list them out!
- There is no need to have cushions around the house. The chairs, sofas, beds seem just as comfortable as they would be with cushions. Natural padding I say!
- If you are short (I am) and you need to adjust your car seat height, a big bum will help you avoid adjusting and readjusting the seats every time you have to drive the car.
- If you stay in a cold place, you will not need seat warmers. Your own set of cushions will warm up the spot soon.
- You don’t even have to worry if you fall down. You will bounce right back. Well, literally.
- You will have a large enough space to sit, without anyone trying to squeeze you into a bundle on a standalone bench in a park. You can finish that book you are reading without any disturbance.
- They overcome inertia to push and move boxes and furniture around the house.
- And there are reasons that everyone knows of – big butted people have it easier when it comes to combating diabetes and heart diseases.
People around me tell me that I have to be positive with what I have. So, this is the start of my journey towards being positive. They say “if you have a life, make it large”. Well, I have it large already. Some people, I say, are just born lucky!
P.S. You might find some typos, butt, they are intentional!
P.P.S. The intention of this post is not obscenity. So, if you think it is, you might not be completely wrong.
P.P.P.S. People around me who ask me to be positive, this post is dedicated to you all. Err, why do you have your palms on your face?