Babies have high standards when it comes to etiquette. They are an epitome of righteousness, surpassing all levels of mannerism with an A+. If there was anyone who could teach someone manners, that would be a baby. Yes, the same baby that is currently drooling all over your shirt, or farting in your face, or rubbing her poop all over her diaper. They do the right things, with utmost respect for fellow human beings (read parents or others). Below are 5 etiquette rules that you can learn from a baby, or not :
Rule #1: Whenever you see someone for the first time, cry loudly so that they think you hate them and want them to go away. For an added value, you can always kick your arms and legs.
*My baby doesn’t do this yet, atleast not with strangers. I didn’t say anything about the rule regarding parents, did I? Sigh!
Rule #2: Once you know that the person carrying you has no intentions of squishing you into a stressball, you can relax and drool all over them. It is your way of showing them that you trust them enough to leak your bodily fluids on their neatly pressed shirt. The cherry on the cake would be if you have just had milk, and spit up on them, reminding them of the time they spent with you till they wash the shirt.
Rule #3: You can show them your million dollar toothless smile and when they are mildly distracted praising your cuteness, you can gently, without their notice, put their finger or fingers into your mouth and bite them hard with the same mouth that was a minute ago producing the million dollar smile.
Rule #4: For people with whom you interact everyday, you can squeal excitedly into their ears so loudly that they instantly become deaf, before they know what hit them.
Rule #5: The best gesture is to poop in your diapers right when they carry you, so that the smell emanates right into their nostrils, making them remember you for a lifetime!
*After all this, if you feel like pulling your hair, don’t worry, just find a baby. She will do that for you, with a wide grin on her face.