These tiny creatures I tell you, they are anything but innocent. My baby girl is 3.5 months old now and I already see a streak of naughtiness developing. I see a lot of ‘No, No, No’ in my future.
Baby girl, below are 5 things that you do that you shouldn’t:
- Don’t , I say don’t fart in the direction of my nostrils when I am feeding you. Whichever angle I turn you in, you still manage to lodge your bum in a direction that causes the nasty air you release, straight into my nostrils. Eww. Do you, by any chance, learn physics and its laws when I am away for a moment? If so, let me tell you, you are misutilising the laws! If you want to test your theories, please use your dad as the Guinea pig. He will be more than happy to help you, especially in such matters. 😑
- Don’t pee after we give you a bath and are trying to dry you. We try drying you inspite of the constant Shakira moves you want to try out at that very moment. What did you say? No, no, you cannot pee in the tub, or on our hands, or in the bowl that contains besan. Yes, you can pee before we try to dry you, provided you will let us wash you again, without screaming your lungs out and forcing the neighbors to call CPS.
- Don’t attempt to detach my boobs from my body. They are supposed to be attached to my body for a reason. You can feed from it, but no amount of grabbing, pulling, scratching will make them fall out and attach to your mouth permanently. You cannot take them wherever you go, they are not the Hutch puppy. Also, I need them, so that I can fill them up with boob juice for you. No, you cannot get a different flavored juice.
- Don’t act innocent in front of others and gain their empathies and sympathies. Be true to yourself and scream at the highest pitch when they try to carry you, feed you, put you down to sleep, play with you, or stop at a red signal. Do not start smiling and giggling when I have just told the other person, “Omg, she was screaming like I tortured her”.
- Don’t make me fall in love with you over and over again. Don’t smile at me when I am crying. Don’t make me smile by doing your silly antics. Don’t sleep so cosily on my chest and do not keep your tiny hand on my chest. Don’t smile at me the first thing in the morning. Don’t look at me like I mean everything to you. Don’t make me addicted to you. Don’t make yourself my habit. Aww..come here baby girl, let’s cuddle. But I said, do not. Nah, don’t do the dont’s. Do everything you want to, because you will be this tiny only once in your life and I like it this way. ❤️