Tag: newmom

5 things babies do that they shouldn’t do!

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These tiny creatures I tell you, they are anything but innocent. My baby girl is 3.5 months old now and I already see a streak of naughtiness developing. I see a lot of ‘No, No, No’ in my future.

Baby girl, below are 5 things that you do that you shouldn’t:

  1. Don’t , I say don’t fart in the direction of my nostrils when I am feeding you. Whichever angle I turn you in, you still manage to lodge your bum in a direction that causes the nasty air you release, straight into my nostrils. Eww. Do you, by any chance, learn physics and its laws when I am away for a moment? If so, let me tell you, you are misutilising the laws! If you want to test your theories, please use your dad as the Guinea pig. He will be more than happy to help you, especially in such matters. 😑
  2. Don’t pee after we give you a bath and are trying to dry you. We try drying you inspite of the constant Shakira moves you want to try out at that very moment. What did you say? No, no, you cannot pee in the tub, or on our hands, or in the bowl that contains besan. Yes, you can pee before we try to dry you, provided you will let us wash you again, without screaming your lungs out and forcing the neighbors to call CPS.
  3. Don’t attempt to detach my boobs from my body. They are supposed to be attached to my body for a reason. You can feed from it, but no amount of grabbing, pulling, scratching will make them fall out and attach to your mouth permanently. You cannot take them wherever you go, they are not the Hutch puppy. Also, I need them, so that I can fill them up with boob juice for you. No, you cannot get a different flavored juice.
  4. Don’t act innocent in front of others and gain their empathies and sympathies. Be true to yourself and scream at the highest pitch when they try to carry you, feed you, put you down to sleep, play with you, or stop at a red signal. Do not start smiling and giggling when I have just told the other person, “Omg, she was screaming like I tortured her”.
  5. Don’t make me fall in love with you over and over again. Don’t  smile at me when I am crying. Don’t make me smile by doing your silly antics. Don’t sleep so cosily on my chest and do not keep your tiny hand on my chest. Don’t smile at me the first thing in the morning. Don’t look at me like I mean everything to you. Don’t make me addicted to you. Don’t make yourself my habit. Aww..come here baby girl, let’s cuddle. But I said, do not. Nah, don’t do the dont’s. Do everything you want to, because you will be this tiny only once in your life and I like it this way. ❤️

pooja

15 random thoughts while breastfeeding!

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They say breastfeeding is a good time to bond with the baby. It really is. If you ask me, sometimes, it is pain in the ass, literally in my case. But, there is one thing: it gives you a lot of time to think about random stuff you wouldn’t think of otherwise.

  1. She is hungry, again, for the millionth time?
  2. When will she start eating solid food?
  3. Why can’t the hubby have 2 boobs that feed?
  4. Without teeth, she digs into me like a T-Rex. Imagine when she grows teeth. God bless my soul. I should probably make a will. Oh wait, what is the use of that when I am already bankrupt buying those nursing pads!
  5. Can my milk spoil?
  6. Eeks, what is that smell?
  7. When will she start eating solid food?
  8. Oh my god, she is crying : she hates my milk supply or probably the taste. Oh no, she hates me!
  9. Why does she talk to my boobs? Do they look like eyes to her? Oh my god, are my boobs that creepy?
  10. Oh my god, it is itching where I cannot reach. Damn the itch!
  11. I must taste my milk. Oh, no, gross! Besides, I hate milk!
  12. Why the hell do I have boobs? That too two!
  13. When will she start eating solid food?
  14. I wonder if she can taste the biryani I had yesterday.
  15. Thank God, she’s done. Oh wait, she wants to hang on to the other boob now! And it continues…

pooja

Help! My baby is a teenager!

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No one warned me about it. I wasn’t prepared for it. Yet, it happened and it happened very fast. My 8 week old, now, is a teenager!

Well, it all started at 6 weeks. There were warning signs, which I ignorantly ignored. I should have known. I should have prepared. But, I didn’t. It serves me right for having ignored the red flags.

When babies enter their 6th week, know that they have entered the teenage phase of babyhood. Seriously, there is a phase like that during babyhood that prepares you for the time when they are actual teenagers.

To prove my point, let me list out a few things that my baby does or does not do.

  • She refuses to go to sleep at night, and refuses to wake up in the morning. At night, though she doesn’t text her BFF as yet, she talks to the monster pictures (her BFF now) on the wall (don’t judge me, they are cute). In the morning, even if a volcano erupts besides her, she probably wouldn’t wake up, and when she does, it is exactly like the way amnesia patients wake up in the movies (Main kahan hoon? – Where am I? types).
  • She is ravenous even after a full feeding. 5 minutes of playtime leads to an hour of feeding time with constant fussing, which probably translates to her being tired after playing for 5 whole minutes!
  • She does the grossest of things. She farts and closes her nose as if we farted in her vicinity. The other day, at the pediatrician, my husband got weird looks, though it was her who farted loud enough to mimic an earthquake, and then innocently looked at her father as if he had committed the crime.
  • She throws tantrum when she doesn’t get what she wants within few seconds, and it is mostly food. And yes, there is biting involved for having made her wait for 2 seconds! The crocodile tears stop when she sees that her demands are going to be fulfilled.
  • She doesn’t listen to me and argues with me using baby babbles when I tell her to do something. That something mostly is restricted to: asking her to burp, asking her to stay still while changing her diaper, asking her not to poop and spit up at the same time.
  • She wants to dress the way she wants. No coats, or caps, or even pants! She loves spending the day in her bikinis aka diapers and will do so even on the coldest of days. I don’t care about skin show, but come on, it is so chilly now that I am afraid I will produce ice cream.
  • She has moved on from loving Itsy Bitsy Spider to loving 10 little Indian boys. Yeah, it is a rhyme, but I see our future in it. She is going to be a player.
  • Her likes and dislikes change every day. One day she likes taking a nap, and then the next day she hates naps. By the way, how can anyone hate naps? 🤔
  • She does craziest of things and blames us for it. Now, did we tell her to pull her hair and then scream at us for doing it? But, she does, and does it over and over again, proving the fact that she doesn’t listen to me.
  • She is growing up too fast and will soon be in college, or well, maybe in pre school. But, where did those tiny newborn hands and legs disappear?

pooja

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